Going to Bed



Nancy


Deserted
Comfortless now
I imagine it
Unable to look

I sit
Facing away
To write of
Doubt and
Fear and
Emptiness

I know its lament
Bereft
Beggared
Abandoned

Yesterday
She left
My bed

Neatly made up
Quilts smoothed
A blanket folded
Across the foot
Sheets tucked in
Pillows settled
As she thought
They might have been or
As I kept them

How should I
Disturb
What she arranged
For me

I could not sleep
Last night
Take the space
All for myself
She used so little
There would be room enough

Ridiculous rumination
I will prepare for bed
I can
Do this
Tonight
Though I see her still
Lying there
Bandaged
Needing me
Close
My thoughts shared
My care

I can
Lift the quilt
Slip beneath
Breathe her
On my pillow

Close to the edge
I can keep
To a very small space
Arms wrapped
Tight
I can sleep
I am tired

What if
I dream of her
What if
I do not

Can I take the chance
She will feel
Something
While I sleep
Something
I will not feel
In her

What if  this
Connection
Is
Doomed
To
Perish
In an hour
Shall I sleep
Through its final
Blessing

Father has just been
With admonishments
From childhood
Whispers
The walls recite
To one another
To me
Learned in nights long past
His gentle
Loving
Counsel 
Go to bed
Vincent
Go to bed

I should
I will
I must
I am very tired

I will turn
See her
Lying there
Once more
See her care
In the order
Once more
And then
I think
I will
Go to bed

Perhaps

Later

For love of you, H

2 comments

  1. Krista
    Posted at February 12, 2012 at 6:15 PM

    Oh, Nancy. Poor nervous-for-no-good-reason Vincent. This is lovely...you have such a beautiful way of telling the story with such a true voice. It makes me want to whisper in his ear that he has no reason to worry...:)

    Great job,

    Krista

  2. Michelle
    Posted at February 12, 2012 at 6:19 PM

    Lovely as always, dear friend! These lines especially:

    With admonishments
    From childhood
    Whispers
    The walls recite
    To one another
    To me

    What beautiful treasures you give to us. Thank you!

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