Going to Bed

Nancy


Deserted
Comfortless now
I imagine it
Unable to look

I sit
Facing away
To write of
Doubt and
Fear and
Emptiness

I know its lament
Bereft
Beggared
Abandoned

Yesterday
She left
My bed

Neatly made up
Quilts smoothed
A blanket folded
Across the foot
Sheets tucked in
Pillows settled
As she thought
They might have been or
As I kept them

How should I
Disturb
What she arranged
For me

I could not sleep
Last night
Take the space
All for myself
She used so little
There would be room enough

Ridiculous rumination
I will prepare for bed
I can
Do this
Tonight
Though I see her still
Lying there
Bandaged
Needing me
Close
My thoughts shared
My care

I can
Lift the quilt
Slip beneath
Breathe her
On my pillow

Close to the edge
I can keep
To a very small space
Arms wrapped
Tight
I can sleep
I am tired

What if
I dream of her
What if
I do not

Can I take the chance
She will feel
Something
While I sleep
Something
I will not feel
In her

What if this
Connection
Is
Doomed
To
Perish
In an hour
Shall I sleep
Through its final
Blessing

Father has just been
With admonishments
From childhood
Whispers
The walls recite
To one another
To me
Learned in nights long past
His gentle
Loving
Counsel
Go to bed
Vincent
Go to bed

I should
I will
I must
I am very tired

I will turn
See her
Lying there
Once more
See her care
In the order
Once more
And then
I think
I will
Go to bed

Later

For love of you, H

8 comments

  1. Anonymous
    Posted at February 18, 2009 at 10:27 PM

    {{{shiver}}} This takes me right back to the beginning! KLQ

  2. Anonymous
    Posted at February 19, 2009 at 5:52 AM

    Oh, thank you so much! It's scary to let go of pieces I've written, some because I think they're not very good, some because I think they're not at all good, some because I like them and am afraid others will think they are not (very) good at all!!! It was very kind of you to say you liked "Going to Bed". Thank you!!! Nancy

  3. Unknown
    Posted at April 9, 2009 at 9:36 PM

    Nancy, I'm quite sure you have enough unsolicited tidbits of stories drifting through your brain....

    However. Your (very good!) story made me think of a scene: Vincent, entering his chamber after Catherine left, only to find Mary about to strip the sheets. What would he say?

    I have a writing bug, but unfortunately, it does not play in this lovely genre/universe!

  4. Posted at April 10, 2009 at 12:50 PM

    Tempt your writing bug into this universe, Brandy, for the idea is yours and only yours to embellish. Thank you for the offer but you must create this picture. I do appreciate your kindness. Nancy

  5. Alexandra
    Posted at May 1, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    Read that
    Loved that!

    This is the emptiness in Vincent's universe after Catherine left. I have dealt with this quite often. Maybe not always in my life, but in stories like this!

    It was like I could hear the walls reciting, discretely celebrating Vincent's return to loneliness!

    Alexandra

  6. Posted at May 1, 2009 at 12:45 PM

    Alexandra, thank you. You give me too much credit...but thank you.

    I love your unique idea for the walls' recitation. It makes me sad, though, to think they would not have learned his generosity and could actually rejoice in our Vincent's loneliness.

    Thank you once more for taking time to write to me. Nancy

  7. Ann B.
    Posted at July 6, 2010 at 7:38 PM

    Nancy,

    You speak Vincent's words and feelings so eloquently and are so true to his great spirit. His sadness and longing come through so strongly here. It makes one want to hold him close and soothe him, whisper softly in his ear that it is not the end but only the beginning...

  8. Posted at July 7, 2010 at 2:19 PM

    Thank you! I confess that I sort of favor this little piece, too! What a gift Vincent and Catherine are...isn't it amazing how they've brought so many of us together. I deeply appreciate your kindness...every time. Love, Nancy

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