Here Begins a New Life

Nancy


It must end
You said

For both of us
You said

I think you meant for me
I know
You meant
For
Me

You begged freedom
Pain you could no longer bear
Vincent
That complaint
Never
Was it
Yours

You bid me
Abandon
Our dream

For
Me

Abandon
You

For
Me

Find someone
Else
To love

All
For
Me

~

We are not
Ended
Though
The world
All life
Plays out
Its closing scene

You and I
Our love
Never
To quelling darkness
Bows

For now
I have nothing
Too empty
My heart
My soul
Too filled with
Loss

I turn away

Not forever
Vincent

For
Today

Perhaps
Some
Tomorrows

Not
Forever

~

Life
Beyond the haste of locomotive
I must believe
You
Live
Out there

Out there
Blurs

~

Nancy
I worry what to say
Afraid to hug her hello
How will I
Not
Tell her
You
Me
Choices
I cannot make
Choices
You cannot allow

I’ve been so strong
Careful

I gave my promise

I am
Arrived
A precipice

She won’t pry
Impart prophetic visions
Quote dark dreams
Crave confessions
I will be safe
With Nancy
It
Will be safe
With Nancy

It
My love story
Secret-safe
For tonight
At least

I gave my promise

I dread
Tomorrow

~

Westport at dawn

A picket fence
Skip my finger
White-slat-to-slat

Chorale of flowers
Hushed
Honor the hour

Dew jewels
Crystal motes
Petal
Leaf
Blade
Bathed

A home
In the country

~

I’ve brought Nancy’s children out to play

A boy for you
And a girl for me
Can’t you see
How happy -
Vincent
Can’t you?

~

It’s easier than I thought
Gals together
Guys off somewhere
I can laugh and listen and tell work stories
Deny you
Deny us
Pretend there is no one
No one that matters
That way
I say the words
Contrive a grin
And turn the conversation back to what made us laugh

My act convinces
I think

~

Sleepy stillness
Leaks in
A pretty space
Comfortable as guest rooms can be
Nancy-neat

I wish I were
Below

Curtain drawn aside
I look out at night
A wonder intrudes
How is it
Not
To have a window

Tomorrow
I’ll take Nancy to lunch
The two of us

Next time
I promised
Once

Will this be
That
Time

I want
To say
All
Of it
Speak
The syllables
Tell her
You

Cry
The unfairness
The risks and dangers
Frustrations
Barriers

The
Limits

I want someone
To look at me
See
Remark the changes
Chance her opinion
Hear her praise
I am changed
Better
For being loved
For loving you
Vincent

I want to savor
Bask in her wonder and admiration
Envy
Knowing all the while
You’re mine

Name
You
Your beauty
The depth of your soul

Compose aloud
The poem that is your heart

Say it
Vincent’s mine

I want to tell someone

~

What I wished for
Us
Together
Sun ribbons in my hair
Day-heaven in your eyes

No
No…No
Not Buddy

Vincent

Vincent!

~

You’re there
Waiting
In the Park

Forgiving

I’ll ask forgiveness
Nonetheless

Explain
Try

Acknowledge
The closing door
A blessing
Your
Gift
Your
Sacrifice

For
Me

Love is sustenance
I have everything
I have you

~

Thank you
Nancy

I had to tell … someone


H, for you
summer 2010